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Pull Up to the Scene with my Silamiscent
By: Ebony Jones
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
You're young, you're black, and you're smart.
This is, unfortunately, what makes many fearful of you.
Not because you are a threat, but because, well, you are the American Dream.
Quiet as it's kept, we are still the minority in an ever growing minority population. We see advancement in major cities, but what about major corporations? Did you know that as of right now, there are only 6 black CEO's of Fortune 500 companies? The picture for board members (officers of the company) is somewhat better, where there are 278 black board members.
We still have a long way to go. Do you wonder how to get there? I know I do. In my youth I fancied myself a corporate raider. I wanted to do what Richard Gere's character in Pretty Woman did, take companies apart and sell them to bigger companies.
What stopped me?
In my own journey I've had setbacks. I'm successful, to be sure, just not where I envisioned I would be. I made mistakes, I made great progress. At the end of the day, I did what was tried and true, and then what I wanted to do. And still, I am not where I want to be. In the next five years I should become a Director, then a VP, and then in 15 years, I should and could be a CEO of a large corporation. How? Simple. I follow the rules but I don't conform. Not anymore.
I spent the first 10 years of my career conforming. I wore my hair long and straight. I wore button downs and khakis like the boys. I learned to play golf, well. I even play poker, well. I had a white male mentor who gave me these rules for breaking the glass ceiling:
- Get a mentor or advocate
- Advertise and promote yourself (Speak up in meetings)
- Make friends (Fit in)
- Always be the last to leave
- Never cry at work
- Always be the best (smartest) in the room
All of these assimilation techniques brought me face to face with the greatest demon of my career...I was too good. Better than my white counterparts. What happens then? When by fitting in you outshine even their brightest moon, because you are the sun?
Have you ever fought this battle? The battle to dim your brightness because others can not comprehend from whence it comes? Have you found that your career's ceiling was not made of glass, but instead flaccid bodies, bent on blockading you from success?
In my world, I have been praised and given a raise on Monday and on Friday told there couldn't be any way possible I knew what I was doing. By the exact same person.
Over time I matured, and came into my own. I realized that I wasn't being my authentic self, and any success I found was in fact inauthentic. I wanted to feel whole and happy. I wanted my light to shine. I follow very simple steps to ensure my light always burns brightly. Just because one person can't handle the glare, doesn't mean you're not lighting the path of someone better, to something better.
I now work to one motto, and one alone. Do the ordinary extraordinarily well
And with that I've gotten further in the last two years than I did first 10. I actually pull up to work with my silamiscent (ceiling missing). I offer you the same advice. There is no right way to be successful other than hard work and being a good person. _Being yourself is good. Being your best is better. Try it, and watch that ceiling drop.
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Naruto Chapter 641 Review
By: Denzel Lamar
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Hey what's going on my fellow Shinobis it's your friendly neighborhood Black Chivalrous Nerd Denzel Lamar with another update and review for our favorite Blonde Haired Blue Eyed Shinobi Genin Naruto. Okay so last time we talked, Obito Uchiha had stuck a bomb onto the Fourth Hokage and it was about to explode with Minato and the gang in its sights. Just before it exploded, the Second Hokage appears out of no where, grabs the bomb and goes back to Obito and returns it to him. There we learn that the Fourth's "Instant Transmission" like Justsu was originally done and mastered by the Second Hokage, who would've thunk it huh?
Meanwhile, as that fight is going on, Madara Uchiha and Hashirama Senju continue their fight and show the bystanders why they are the two most powerful and dangerous shinobi's in history. During the fight, Madara uses his Full Powered Susano'o and Hashirama uses a Wood Style Dragon summon and those two creatures are wrecking havoc while fighting each other.
As the bystanders look at the fight they ponder whether they should join in or just stay back and watch so they won't get in the way. While they are pondering this, Shikamaru talks to the members of the Shinobi Alliance while having Ino use her transfer jutsu to let everyone hear his thoughts.
He goes on to tell them that even if their efforts may seem little, even a little bit of power and effort could help change the future so don't give up and stay on your toes and not let the moment slip by because of fear. After hearing that, Temari tells Shikamaru through her thoughts that he could become a good Hokage with the leadership that he is showing right now. She goes on to say that having the ability to change peoples hearts is one of the basic conditions to become a Kage. Meanwhile back at the fight between Obito Uchiha vs. Minato, Naruto, Sasuke and Tobirama, Obito was quick to block the bomb blast which makes Tobirama and company rethink about their next move.
Minato says that he'll create an opening with his Rasen-Senkou-Chourinbu-Kousan-Shiki (Yes that is the name of the technique and I'm still trying to figure out what in the bluest of blue hells it means) and the Second basically tells Minato that the technique name is utterly ridiculous and he would normally laugh at that name, but no laughing shall ensue at the moment. While Tobirama and Minato are strategizing, Sasuke and Naruto rush towards Obito with Sasuke. Naruto and Sasuke tells Minato that they will create the opening and leave the main part of the plan to Minato and Tobirama. While Sasuke and Naruto rush towards Obito, Sasuke unleashes his Amaterasu and aims it at Obito but Obito was waiting for it.
As Naruto and Sasuke are in full charge towards Obito, Minato and Tobirama come up with their plan and decide that they are going to use the Hiraishin Mawashi (Instant Transmission Like Jutsu) on each other. Meanwhile, Sasuke and Naruto come up with another plan to attack Obito with in which Sasuke is going to use his Sharingan in order to adjust to Naruto's Chakra Percentage. Then Naruto uses his Wind Style: Rasenshuriken and combines it with Sasuke's Blaze Style: Flame control to create one giant Flaming Shuriken (NERDGASM!!!!!!)
Naruto and Sasuke combine their Jutsu's, Tobirama appears behind Obito and just as Naruto and Sasuke are about to release the jutsu onto Obito, Minato comes from out of no where and stands in front of Naruto and Sasuke. Minato tells the boys that they are the Main Stars, Tobirama places his hand onto Obito's back and attaches a Hirashin Seal onto him and then the two Hokages release the Hiraishin Goshun Mawashi No Jutsu (Translation: Swap At The Same Moment Technique) and then next thing you see is Sasuke and Naruto Drilling Obito with the Fire Rasenshuriken. With Minato encouraging them to keep going, they put everything into the jutsu and blast him away with Obito thinking about how they got the upper hand on him while the black flames are still burning his chest. Then finally, the last picture you see in this chapter is Naruto and Sasuke both smiling as they feel like they have finally defeated Obito.
Overall, I enjoyed this very much and now I'm really excited about the upcoming chapter Next week. Of course I hope that next week's chapter focus more on the fight between Madara and Hashirama since this week's chapter was all about the fight against Obito. Only time will tell i guess and we'll have to find out what Kishimoto and his team come up with Next week.
Alright guess that's all the time I have for today so don't forget to stay tuned because some big things will be happening sooner than later. This is the Black Chivalrous Nerd Signing off saying Love, Peace and Bacon Grease.
Smoke Bombs out into the shadows of the Night
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Playing Catch Up With Naruto
By: Denzel Lamar
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Hey Guys its the Black Chivalrous Nerd and I know that it's been a while since i posted something but I'm back and I'm about to catch you guys up with what's going with the Fourth Great Ninja War. So last time we talked, I was talking about how Sasuke made the statement of "burn it down" while he had a stale, blank look on his place. But after that happened, as the war was going on, Orochimaru arrived where the five Kages were and there Katsuyu was trying to heal the Kages but because of the low chakra that Tsunade had because she was near death after being torn in half from Madara Uchiha before he left to join Obito in the fight, the healing was taking a real slow long time. So Orochimaru told Karin Uzumaki to let Tsunade heal herself by letting Tsunade bite Karin's arm.
After Lady Tsunade healed herself via Karin, her chakra came back and her and the other kages were healed via Katsuyu and they were on their way back to the fight. Now let's talk about Obito and Kakashi going at it. Now last time I saw those two, they were transported via the Kamui jutsu that both Kakashi and Obito know via the Sharingan. But anyway, as they are fighting, Kakashi is trying to talk reason into Obito and tell him that instead of causing havoc with this war, he should return back to the Leaf but then Obito tells Kakashi that he has no heart and shows him that there is no heart in his chest.
after that, Madara summoned Obito back to the battle field and was about to use the Jutsu that Nagato was suppose to use for him when he used it for the Leaf after Pein destroyed the Leaf. But while Madara was using his Jutsu on Obito, Obito started connecting with the Juubi (Ten Tails) and then while Naruto and company were fighting, Obito became the Jinchuriki of the Ten Tails. After Obito and the Juubi connect,Obito's power get even greater to the point that he is more powerful than Madara Uchiha and anyone that know's what I mean by that knows that if you're Powerful than Madara Uchiha or Hashirama Senju then your opponents are pretty much screwed.
In order to help control and contain Obito, the first and second Hokage start to do a combined jutsu but then Obito attacks them and rips them in half, but because they are alive via the Edo Tensei they don't die but it'll take them a long time to heal up after that attack. But as Naruto and Sasuke try to prepare themselves to attack Obito while he is going on an attack barrage, Obito beats them to the punch and grabs both of them and get ready to attack.
Now that I've said all of that, it's time to talk about the latest chapter of Naruto that has just came out today at 1:30 AM EST. Yes I stayed up at 1:30 AM EST to read it and it is now 3:30 AM EST to post this lol so don't judge me alright? Anyway, when Chapter 640 starts, Obito has the faces of Naruto and Sasuke in his hands and the Fourth Hokage with a look of shock on his face. As Obito was starting to perform another jutsu and demolish Naruto and Sauke, Minato while he is still in Second Stage tailed beast controlled Mode, grabs Sasuke and Naruto from harms way. As the three fallback and try to figure out their next move, Obito is still going through some changes with the Juubi and during the changes, he is able to unleash a tailed beast bomb but misses Naruto and company.
After that miss, Obito can't control the Juubi and then it seems like the Juubi is going to take control of Obito's body. During this transition, Minato prepares to do a Jutsu to try and attack/subdue Obito while leaving Obito no time to react and give Naruto and Sasuke room to move in on the attack. While Minato is preparing Said attack, Obito goes through a Seemingly painful transformation with the Juubi to the point that the Juubi is tearing Obito up on the inside while Obito is screaming in pain. As he's going through this process, Minato tells Obito that he's coming to help Obito but then Obito asks Minato Who he is. Then right when he's about to be torn completely apart, he activates his Sharingan and then he starts to put himself back together again.
After he activates the Sharingan, he finishes his transformation and gathers his consciousness and has a new look.
That's right Blerdnation fam, the painful transformation that Obito went through turned him into the new Sage of Six Paths. After he reappeared, he and Minato started to fight once again and Obito's Staff and Minato's Kunai clashes and the staff breaks the Kunai and then he cuts off one of Minato's arms. Then Obito starts to use another jutsu onto Minato but Minato uses his Hiraishin to avoid the attack but to his dismay, Obito stuck the attack onto Minato and before Minato and company could do anything. Obito unleashes the bomb that he calls Scattering Despair and it starts to explode while Naruto, Sasuke, Minato and Gamakichi in it's sights, thus ending this weeks chapter.
Whew!!!!!! did you guys get all of that? I hope you guys didn't get lost but if you did? I apologize but i tried to catch you up as fast as possible. But that's all the time I have for now so don't forget to share, comment, show love and stay tuned for more Naruto talk. Also, Stay Tuned to my website Blackchivalrousnerd.com because I'm going to be starting my very own Super Hero Story and I promise you that you do not want to miss this.
For Blerdnation.com, I'm the Black Chivalrous Nerd Denzel Lamar signing off and like I always say, "Love, Peace and Bacon Grease" See you guys on the flipside
Smokes Bombs Out into the Night
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Actor-ology: Idris Elba
By: Shala Thomas
Saturday, June 22, 2013
I did a small survey on twitter in which I asked the blerd universe who their favorite actors and actresses are for the purpose of short actor profiles for this blog. I wanted to take some of the most loved actors, spotlight their careers and offer up what my favorite movie/role is from their filmology (most likely from the often neglected independent film world). A number of people responded (thanks, you guys!), and one name that kept coming up was the formidable Idris Elba (cue women around the world sighing).
Hailing from East London, Idris Elba grew up the only child of African immigrants. He began his acting career on serial British TV shows which soon expanded to film and theater in his home country and eventually on the international level, becoming a recognizable face in the New York theater scene and also Hollywood.
I have never swooned over him as many women have (I know, I know... something must be wrong with me, right?) nor do I really follow his career closely, but I have to admit he has had some bright spots in his career as an actor and possesses a definite versatility that allows him to constantly alternate between British and American productions. Take a look at some of his most prominent roles, big and small, and see what I consider the high point in Elba’s career:
He is most recognizable from...
...HBO’s critically acclaimed series The Wire where Elba played Stringer Bell, a brilliant and cunning cocaine drug lord who aspired to extend his power and influence into real estate and city politics. Often lauded for his performance on the series, this was the role that defined Elba in urban, pop cultures circles and solidified his place in the American entertainment industry.
He has made his mark on other TV shows with...
...a prominent multi-episode guest role on the NBC’s The Office playing a straight-talking, corporate-level supervisor, a role designed to contrast the off-the-wall antics of Michael Scott (Steve Carell), as well as his ongoing role as a troubled detective traumatized after a past case on the BBC series Luther.He has done (will continue to do) the big summer blockbuster thing...
...appearing in the superhero movie Thor (2011) as Heimdall, the keeper of the gates of mythical Asgard, taking on the role of a member of the mercenary team in the comic book adaptation The Losers (2010) along side Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Zoe Saldana and Chris Evans, and starring in Prometheus (2012), the quasi-prequel to the 1979 sci-fi Alien. Up next will be this year’s summer sci-fi big budget movie Pacific Rim about government-designed giant robots developed to protect the earth again invading creatures that arise from the Pacific.
And the niche film thing...
...with appearances in the the zombie flick 28 Weeks Later (2007), a sequel to the fantastic film 28 Days Later (2002) starring Cillian Murphy and Naomie Harris about four survivors of a virus-induced world catastrophe, and in Guy Ritchie's RocknRolla (2008) as apart of a British crime underworld that highlighted his comic side.In my opinion, his best film to date is...
...the little independent psychological thriller film Legacy, written and directed by a Nigerian/British director Thomas Ikimi and executive produced by Elba. In it, Elba plays the lead role of Malcolm Gray, a former Black Ops operative who, over the course of a day wholed up in a dingy Brooklyn motel room, relives some of the past that have brought him to this moment as he struggles with mental instability and whether to expose his politician brother he feels is corrupt. I had the pleasure of seeing one of the first screenings at the 2010 Tribeca Film Festival in NYC and loved it. It is everything that makes a great psychological thriller from the feeling of wall-climbing claustrophobia to the feeling that everything is not what it seems. For me, it’s surely the independent films, and not the blockbusters, where Elba excels as an actor.I am most excited to see him next take on...
...the role of Nelson Mandela in Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom, an upcoming British biopic based on the 1994 book “Long Walk to Freedom”. There is already alittle bit of grumbling in the film industry about the lack of resemblance between Elba and the South African anti-apartheid leader but can he stifle the critics with a great performance? We will see when the film is released November 29th. The production reteams Elba with Naomi Harris who will portray Winnie Mandela.
Talkback (What some of my fellow blerds had to say about why they love Idris Elba)...
Shana (@BohoBougie): Idris Elba...just his name triggers all kinds of thoughts, some G-rated, others NC-17. As a post-modern feminist I rail against most female objectification in films, yet I find myself bring hypocritical when it comes to the males of the species. What can I say? I appreciate beauty, especially the kind of rugged, yet sophisticated visage of Mr. Elba. Idris Elba's acting embodies 'cool jazz', a restrained unpredictability. His "Luther" is complex, taut, compassionate, and lethal. He can flirt shamelessly, as he did with Charlize Theron in "Prometheus" and still be a thug when necessary in other roles. I adored him as Cathy's artist/lover on "The Big C" for his ability to be "in the moment" and authentic. Whether he is speaking in his gravely British accent or in a more American dialect, his celebrity has yet to eclipse his roles or my ability to suspend belief when watching him on-screen. Unlike Denzel, Idris can still wholly embody his characters without the weight of his fame.Who is your favorite actor and actress? If anyone wants to give their opinion, tweet (@shalathomas) or email (lifebetweenfilms@gmail.com) me for inclusion in a feature spotlight. Next up will be an actress spotlight so stay tuned!
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Managing You: Project Management and Your Life
By: Ebony Jones
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Project Management (/?präj?ekt/ /?manijm?nt): A temporary group activity designed to produce a unique product, service or result.
Whether we are managing ourselves, our children, or our work, we employ project management skills daily. It doesn't matter if you are in high school, college, or the work a day world, any task that has a beginning and ending is a project.
"A project?" You ask. "Yes." I reply. Cue dramatic music
End scene
It's important to recognize your skills as a Project Manager. In any environment, people ask us to evaluate ourselves and our skills. Often asking us to refer to activities or projects we've completed to illustrate. If you are interviewing for any position, you may hear: "Have you ever managed a project before?" If you are applying for admission, they may ask "Can you give me an example of your problem solving ability?" These questions are easily answered by considering your activities in terms of Project Management.
There are 5 stages of Project Management:
- Initiate
- Plan
- Execute
- Monitor and Control
- Close
Most importantly, your life, any life lived well, is not defined by routine. It is a collection of projects. What is your life's goal? This is undoubtedly the greatest project you can think of. Finishing school? Getting Married? Having a baby? Starting a business? Whatever it is, consider these steps to help you focus and transition your goal to reality.
Initiate
In this step, you are going to define what your project is. What will you focus on first? What does the situation look like now? Why are you selecting this project? What would you like the end result of the project to be?
Write Down your defined goal.
Plan
Steps - What are all of the steps you have to take to achieve a successful result? List everything.
Resources - What resources do you need? People? Money? Physical items? Opportunities?
Milestones – Set some milestone dates (small goals within the big goal) for achieving your goal. Remember that it’s important to reward yourself as you successfully reach each milestone; it’s the small steps that lead to achieving the overall goal.
Constraints – What could slow you down or prevent you from achieving your goal. Is it lack of money, family, or other commitments? Come up with a plan of how you can deal with any problems that may arise. While you can never plan for every problem, if you’re prepared for the most likely ones then they are less likely to throw you off track and prevent you from achieving your goal.
Write down your Plan.
Execute
Start following your plan, one step at a time.
Do it!
Monitor and Control
Often we do a lot of up front work, then forget to pay attention to our plan as we implement it. Ensure that you’re keeping track of your progress. When you achieve milestones, you can assess where you are and adjust the plan as needed.
If you happen to be off track, frequent monitoring can help you correct course quickly.
Keep a journal, post it on your blog, or photograph the milestones; whatever works for you.
Write down your progress!
Close
Celebrate the achievement of your goal.
Consider the steps that took you from start to finish and what you could have potentially done differently. All are learning steps for the next goal that you set.
Keep in mind that sometimes you may not achieve the original goal that you set out to achieve. Life happens. Enjoy the ride. Oftentimes you ended up in a much better place than you intended!
Approaching any project with the above steps will not only yield better results, but you can repeat the process again and again to your benefit. Even better? The results will be easily identifiable, and you now have a roadmap to describe to others how you attained success.
Happy Managing!
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Naruto Chapter Reviews For 632 and 633
By: Denzel Lamar
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Hey what's going on its your friendly neighborhood Black Chivalrous Nerd Denzel Lamar once again coming through with another blog post about everyone's favorite blonde hair blue eyed shinobi Naruto. Okay, so last time I posted on here, the original Team 7 of Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura reunited at the end of chapter 631. Well, a lot has happened and when I say a lot I mean a lot has happened, so this post might be longer than the last one. Well let me give you guys a quick recap of Chapter 632 before we get to 633 and I'm going to do so by saying that SAKURA IS A DAMN BEAST and she ain't just a med ninja anymore. So in chapter 632 as Naruto and sasuke were showing off their abilities, Sakura was having a moment and talking to herself about how she was always behind Naruto and Sasuke growing up but not anymore. Because not only was she the student of Tsunade Senju the member of the legendary sages, but she's also the student of the 5th hokage.
Then she releases the chakra that has been stored in her one hand and annihilated the enemy, then Naruto and Sasuke release their techniques onto more enemies and then the original Team 7 stood back to back to back in a triangle form to get ready for the enemies next move thus ending Chapter 632
Now in Chapter 633, Naruto and Sasuke stare down as they acknowledge that each other has progressed since the last time they saw each other. Even Naruto's dad, The Fourth Hokage, is impressed at how Naruto changed the Nature of the Rasengan when he performed the Wind Style: True Form Rasenshuriken.
After seeing Team 7 clean house, the rest of the Konoha 12 Excluding Rock Lee, Tenten and Neji (R.I.P.), decide to get into the fight and they all unleash techniques and moves that they either Learned, Modified or Created and the first team to showcase these techniques is Team 8 which has Kiba, Hinata and Shino and let me just say that the techniques they perform is awe inspiring like Hinata finally getting to complete the 8 trigram 64 palm strike technique, to Kiba's crazy yet awesome looking Cerberus jutsu that includes him, Akamaru and a Shadow clone(yes you heard me, Kiba performs a shadow clone jutsu) and the techniques that they perform in that form. Even Shino and his insects were impressive yet disgusting at the same time.
Soon after Team 8 joined in on the fight, the team of Ino-Shika-Cho or Ino, Shikamaru and Choji decide to join in on the fight and they unleash a new formation entitled Formation E. With this technique, Choji Doubles his size with his Expansion Jutsu and it makes him bigger and taller than the Statue of Liberty. Shikamaru does a Shadow Seizing Jutsu and connects his Shadow with Choji. Then Ino performs a perception jutsu to see and lock onto as many enemies as she can which btw, there were 25 that she locked onto. Then the three came together and used their three individual jutsu's and created one badass looking team technique.
While all of this is going on, Sai is overlooking in the sky trying to find the right time to strike and while he sees how Team 7 is cleaning house he doesn't feel the Team 7 love so he lets the other three members that he's also a member of the squad and goes straight to attack the Juubi but Sadly his efforts was LITERALLY shot down from the sky as the Juubi shot his summoned Art Style Bird out of the sky and Sai started to fall from the sky. But before he could hit the ground Naruto uses his Controlled beast chakra to grab Sai out of the sky and keeps him safe from further harm.
When the idea of Naruto giving the Allied Shinobi force more of Kurama's chakra is shot down because Naruto hasn't saved up enough of that chakra, Sai comes up with another idea but he basically says that it would require a lot of chakra and if they don't have the right amount of chakra it could be devastating. That was when Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura bite their thumbs, perform the needed hand seals and performed a summoning justsu that hasn't been seen since the Legendary Sages were roaming the Shinobi World as a Team
Alright guys that's all the time i have for now so don't forget to comment, and share the posts and also check out the other posts done by the other. Alright BlerdNation until next time, This is the Black Chivalrous Nerd Denzel Lamar saying Love, Peace and Bacon Grease
Smoke Bombs Out into the Darkness
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A Short Story From Zimbabwe: "Eloquent Notes of Suicide" by Blessing Musariri
By: Nyasha Chiundiza
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Hi everyone. I will be blogging for Blerdnation, that is, writing my own short essays on various topics, whilst posting and featuring other writers's (and artist's) works. My first post is a poignant short story from my home country, Zimbabwe, by the wonderful up and coming writer, Blessing Musariri. Blessing is currently putting the final touches on her first novel. She has published several poems and short stories in a number of anthologies and journals. I am grateful to have the opportunity to share her work. In the upcoming weeks I will be interviewing Blessing. So if the story provokes any intrigue that you'd like to share with the author, please pass along your questions to me and I will be sure to include them in my interview. Happy reading!
Eloquent Notes on a Suicide: Case of the Silent Girl4 December 2005 – Chitungwiza General Hospital
Docket Number : CH2345-98
Deceased : Shoraya Mutema
Age : Sixteen years
Sex : Female
C.O.D : Drowning
T.O.D : Approx. 3 am.
Extenuating Circumstances: Analgesic overdose prior to drowning
Family : Father Trynos Mutema
Mother Bethsheba Mutema
Sister Anastacia Mutema
Investigating Officer : Inspector L. ChawabataThis last case left me deeply troubled. In thirty years on this nobly intentioned but often delinquent force I have seen a variety of misadventures and human frailty. I have been astounded, alarmed, amused, angry, highly entertained and yes, troubled, but never as profoundly as this. I am moved to keep my own record of proceedings and deliberations.
On the evening of ten May nineteen ninety-two, Shoraya Mutema accompanied her father, mother and sister to an evening church service. It was the seventh day of Advent, the second week of rains, which had come late and gave no assurance of remaining. The unspoken promise was of hard times to come.
Shoraya, always stood erect, and had received deportment badges at school year after year, not only for her tidy appearance, but for her collected demeanour. It was noted, with concern, by various of her teachers that, “Shoraya’s work is always tidy and well considered but she needs to improve her class participation.” No one at the school would ever be able to testify as to the sound of her voice, not even the choir master who I quote: “No punishment I meted out could ever get Shoraya to open her mouth and sing. She stood there and followed the words with her eyes but never sang. I noted my concern to the Head.” When asked, the Head said she had taken it up with the girl’s parents and they had simply said, “That’s just the way she is.”
I then asked the following questions: Does Shoraya suffer from a speech impediment? Was she born without speech? If not, did she speak as a child and if so, when did she stop and what caused this cessation?
There is no time in the police force to indulge in sedimentary curiosity over a cut and dried case but I took liberties with the time allotted to me for the completion of my duties. I took liberties with my own time often returning to the scene of the crime to further question those who would talk to me, those less troubled but more than curious. My own family is grown and gone and my wife knows I have no timetable. We have managed to grow old amiably together despite the occasional skirmish. It is lucky that we are two deliberate people more occupied with the lives of others than in the one we have shared for thirty-two years. We are two lines running smoothly together in the same direction, connected by the vertical adjuncts that compose our four children but never feeling the need ourselves, to connect. We are compatible in our shared acceptance of this fact.
From my notes: It’s a fairly old house in Mablereign. The yards are not so large that neighbours cannot be heard when they are sitting on their verandahs, or talking too loudly through open windows. The walls are not high and crime is an infrequent visitor. Bougainvillaea hedges are overbearing to their hosts and jacarandas dropped purple carpets inciting conjunctivitis; vintage cars are less for prestige than necessity. It’s that kind of place. A place where a girl like Shoraya could live her life undisturbed. In their Peugeot 405, the family came and went without remark except the one time, a neighbour confided, when they went to Kazaka – Shoraya’s father’s home, the time the neighbour’s stopped hearing Shoraya’s voice calling for her sister from the house, or for the ice-cream man to stop. She used to talk they told me, just as much as the younger one. She used to play and laugh.
“We used to ask her the time,” a young girl giggles. She wears the blue and white striped pinafore of their school uniform, “just to see if we could make her talk, but she’d just look at us and look away.” “Anna was always talking, in fact Anna is a chatterbox, which is why it’s so funny that Shoraya never said anything. We used to laugh and say that Anna had stolen Shoraya’s words, that she talked for both of them. But you know what’s really strange? I never once saw Anna talk to Shoraya. Waiting at the school gates to be picked up, if Shoraya saw their car first, no matter where Anna was, she would know it was time to go. No gesture, nothing. She would just know. And if Anna was the one who saw their car first, we’d just see Shoraya pick up her bag and walk to the gate before Anna could come and fetch her.” “She never smiled.”
It’s a school for children from middle-income families, run by a convent of sisters. The education here is good and the fees are reasonable. The children are very European in their speech and mannerisms but we are all to varying degrees, products of missionary education, the difference is in our upbringing and our perceived destinations. Mr Mutema is of the same missionary background as myself; boarding hostels with cold showers and stringent rules, a beans, sadza and cabbage diet, books and Bibles first, personal ambition inconceivable. We were one body united in the objective of pious study for the greater good of the spirit. You can see it in his bearing, the stiffness, the stoic acceptance of Divine Will, the adherence to Christian values that is imprinted on his conscience. Amai Mutema’s indoctrination was cut short. I see it in her tendency to beseech. She is not wholly invested in the omnipotence of the missionary God; before the frown appeared on her husband’s face, she spoke aloud to her ancestors to guide home the spirit of her child. She repented though and both returned to the distant horizon of bemused grief.
“Your children are not your children, they are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you but are not from you, and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.” Indeed, not one of the prophets from the “good book” but wise words all the same. The Bible was more a tool of study for me, a rod with which to chastise those morally errant of us sadza and cabbage-eating hordes and yet, it lies in its own space in a drawer by my bedside, uncorrupted by any other belonging. It is the bastion of my being, the guardian of my trying soul and I read everything around it and leave it to infuse its wisdoms through divine osmosis. On the crossing over of the seventh into the eighth day of Advent, Shoraya Mutema locked herself in the family bathroom – an inauspicious space with missing tiles, a cracked toilet seat, and a perfectly preserved enamel bathtub – ran the water to a level sufficient to allow for eventual displacement caused by the weight of her body – her lack of class participation was no indication of a lack of intelligence – opened a brown bottle of generic painkiller, removed the cotton wool that kept the white tablets intact in their multitude and swallowed a handful one by one.
The neighbours are prone to gossip and this one wants to tell me a strange and mystical story about Kazaka. Her uncle’s daughter is married to a man who hails from those parts and she has told her a tale about a natural orchard of loquat trees in which a young girl went missing overnight. “If you ask the younger one, she will tell you, she was there, unless she doesn’t remember it. Perhaps she was too young then.” Anyhow, this young girl was picking loquats with her cousins and other village children when she wandered out of sight of her companions. When it was time to return home, the girl’s friends called out her name and she did not appear. They called out to no avail. In the end they recruited older relatives to join in the search and all night they thrashed around in the thicket, calling and calling.
An elderly aunt, unmoved by the proceedings, informed them all that it was not unheard of in this copse of trees, for a person to disappear only to return in time. She would be unharmed they were assured. “Things happen here,” she said, “everybody knows this. Pray all you want,” she told the father, whose rosary beads lay reassuringly around his neck, “but this place has its owners who know nothing of the stations of the crosses that you carry.” In the morning the girl returned, exhausted, voice hoarse, saying that she had been able to hear them calling her all night, that she had been calling back – how come they hadn’t heard her? The orchard wasn’t exceptionally large, a person could walk around it in less time than it took to plough one furrow of their largest field. How was it she could not find her way back out and how is it they could not find a way back to her. Everyone accepted then that indeed, things did happen, for which there was no immediate explanation.
Anastacia is fourteen years of age. Even now, subdued by the loss of her sibling, she rambles on. Shoraya talked to her – I must confess that all the evidence gathered up to that point indicated to me that Shoraya talked to no one. From what I heard all around me, I am left with the very firm impression that Shoraya somehow existed in this world, as part of it but seamlessly attuned to her own particular vibration; a smooth body of water gliding placidly along a river bed, no ripples appearing on the surface but moving along just the same, causing imperceptible changes in its environment as it goes along. Anastacia tells me Shoraya used to talk to her about munda weIdheni. “She said if Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, before their sin, had led the perfect life, then surely Heaven would be a no different place than that. Heaven is a perfect garden in which no one has picked the forbidden fruit and there is peace in the hearts of all who reside there. That’s where we go when we die.”
I ask her if Shoraya often talked about dying – at this point I have to accept the young girl’s claims that she and her sister held deep and meaningful conversations in the absence of all other ears. I am unwilling to believe that Anastacia also lives in a world entirely of her own creation. She appears perfectly normal, that is, if normal can ever be perfect; who judges and declares perfection? We as human beings are only capable of understanding the standards we set for ourselves and for each other and who is to say we are, any of us cognisant of exactitude? I digress.
At the Christian Centre, the counsellors tell me, with the aid of a leaflet, to reinforce our informal discussion that: a young person who is thinking about suicide might – talk about suicide or death in general; talk about “going away”; talk about feeling hopeless or feeling guilty and a host of other things, none of which even remotely seem to apply to Shoraya, but one has to establish certain things irrespective of one’s pre-drawn conclusions. No one noticed any change in Shoraya’s behaviour.
At mass, on the seventh day of Advent she was as immaculate as usual, in a pink floral smock blouse and a knee-length cotton skirt with a white lace frill along the hem. Her hair was tied down in tidy rows with black wool, she wore no earrings – her ears were not pierced – and on her feet she wore brown leather sandals that her father had bought on a recent trip to Johannesburg. “Did she seem more devout than usual? Deeper into prayer than normal?”
“Shoraya was a dutiful child. In church she knelt, rose and sat as always, she bowed her head and held her hands together as she always did. Shoraya wasn’t prone to sudden changes. Shoraya was as steady as air on a day without wind.” I am astounded that this steadiness did not seem to alarm anyone in Shoraya’s family, there is no one in this life who can appear so absent and still be considered present.
“That’s just the way she was,” her mother says. “But she wasn’t always like this. What happened to change her? What took away Shoraya’s voice?” Amai Mutema won’t speak of it. Holding onto her rosary she turns away to light the candle that is usually burning in the window when I visit the house. “There are many things we can’t control. We just have to trust in God. Only He knows.” God may know the answers but in the meantime I will search. I sense an abdication here, a refusal to be held accountable for the lives we have created for ourselves and continue to live long after it is proven to us that the formula has produced an unwanted result. I am not enamoured of this approach to life. There is enough we cannot change without giving up on the things in which we have been granted some authority. God knows, as the popular saying goes, my own children are nowhere near perfect – or what we have come to generally accept as perfect. My wife and I freely admit to their wilful indiscretions and credit their albeit, rather few collective achievements and I can say with some happy confidence that even if we didn’t always get it right, we never abdicated our positions, even accepting, as we can only accept what we have become comfortable believing, that our children are not our children, that they have been placed in our custody by an all-knowing God. I am inclined to ponder a spiritualist notion; I may be Catholic in belief but I am interdenominational in intellect: at some point in her destiny, Shoraya’s spirit came to a crossroads and the path she chose from then on, placed her in a waiting room, in which her physical presence merely became a vessel for transcendence to the next level. Yes, I am sometimes deep in this way. We are after all spiritual beings. If this is the case then there need not be any explanation that any of us is required to understand because these things are beyond our plain of existence. But even as I think this, I begin to wonder about more mortal causes. In many cases like this and particularly in my experience, a child becomes withdrawn when there is abuse in the family, but I am disinclined to believe this, for reasons I can no more put my finger on, than understand the person that was Shoraya Mutema.
Shoraya Mutema, as the seventh slipped into the eighth day of Advent, removed her clothes, placed them in the dirty clothes hamper and slipped into a bath of body temperature water. I cannot imagine that she would have wanted to punish herself with the gruelling adjustment required for settling into a cold bath. She strikes me as a sensible girl irrespective. In my mind I see her calmly sitting, waiting until the drowsiness gradually came over her, feeling nauseous from the tablets but ruthlessly controlling the urge to expel them – none of this struggle showing on her face. In my mind, she is serene as her eyes close and her slack body slides slowly under the water, until only the top of her head, lies dry and untouched – a fontanel to channel the spirit up and onwards. Shoraya Mutema seemed to have no regrets about leaving this world.
“Anastacia says she talked about Heaven and the Garden of Eden,” I tell her father. He is sitting, Bible in his lap, open at Psalms, he had been reading to his wife and daughter before I arrived: I know this psalm – “ ... I am worn out, Oh Lord; have pity on me! Give me strength; I am completely exhausted and my whole being is deeply troubled. How long, Oh Lord, will you wait to help me?” “Shoraya stopped speaking at the age of six. If Anastacia says they talked recently, she is mistaken. You must leave us alone now Inspector. Our daughter took her own life. There is no crime committed here other than that by her own hand. We must pray for her soul. Suicide is a mortal sin.”
“I would like to understand vaMutema, what it is that led such a quiet and unassuming girl to take her own life, surely you would like some answers.” He is right though, it is a clear cut case of suicide. What am I investigating at this point? “You are simply fascinated by the life Shoraya led. You want to understand her. You want her life to be about what you know. You think we did something to make her the way she is. Perhaps you have heard the rumour of the loquat orchard. You think that maybe she was bewitched or traumatised or a combination of the two.” When I look at Amai Mutema, I know that I am not alone in my assumptions but she is quick to conceal her momentary lapse. “You want Shoraya’s silence explained to your satisfaction – do you think that we never tried to understand it too? That we are so backward it did not trouble us? Some things just are the way they are and you must accept them.” I cannot accept this. The questions are like weeds in my garden of clear thoughts, they are hardy and persistent; popping up with every minute. Did Shoraya ever laugh? What did she enjoy doing? When she was at home where did she sit or lie down, what was her favourite place? Did she watch TV? Listen to the radio? Read? “Yes, she liked to read,” Anastacia tells me. “She liked to read the Bible and she liked to watch the news. When she wasn’t in the house, she liked to sit under the mango tree over there by the gate.” “Did she ever tell you what she was thinking about when she sat under the tree?” Anastacia is a neat child, as well presented as I imagine was Shoraya. Her hair is tied down to her head in neat rows wound through with black thread, she is wearing a floral blouse and a knee-length skirt with a lace ruffle along the hem, a pair of leather sandals that her father bought on a trip to Johannesburg and for a minute, I am very confused. I never met Shoraya but in this instant I imagine that she is standing in front of me. Have I become so obsessed that I am now seeing the dead girl in her sister? An idea I am trained to reject enters my mind and I decide to experiment. “Shoraya,” I say, “What do you want to tell me?”
5 December 2005 – Chitungwiza General Hospital
Bed Number : 2D
Deceased : Lovemore Chawabata
Age : Seventy-six years
Sex : Male
Occupation : Retired
C.O.D : Stroke
T.O.D : Approx. 3 am.
Extenuating Circumstances: Comatose on arrival. Never regained consciousness.
Next of kin : Maude Chawabata (wife)
Benhilda Muromba (daughter)
Aaron Chawabata (son)
Silas Chawabata (son)
Davison Chawabata (son)
Attending Physician Dr. Tapfuma Nesango.Read More...
Theon GoT Toby'd
By: Renae M.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
HBO’s Game of Thrones is set in a fantasy world that contains dragons and magic yet, contains modern elements of personal interaction and relationships to which many of the viewers can relate. The semi-graphic sex scenes; intense and carefully crafted dialogue; complicated character portrayals; and allusions to conspiracies afoot around every corner, have amassed the show a large and dedicated fan base.
The shock factor is also one of the great elements of the show. There are torture scenes, decapitations, murders, and spiteful malicious acts peppered throughout the series.
The season finale was my first chance to live tweet the show. It was a fun experience to see all the varying reactions to the scenes but there was one moment in the show that really stood out to me. {Spoilers ahead}
When Theon was being tortured by Ramsay Bolton into adopting the new moniker of Reek, I had an immediate reaction to the scene. My reaction was not unique. Almost every person of color who I was live tweeting with, made a connection between Theon’s experience and that of Kunta Kinte in Roots. It was an INSTANT connection. The tweets were filled with references of: "Theon just got Toby’d"; "Ramsay did him like Kunta Kinte"; "Ramsay just pulled a Roots move on Theon."
It was a surreal experience. Roots, a movie from over a generation ago, was that much in the forefront of our minds that we were able to make that connection instantly. The pain and suffering that was experienced during slavery in no way compares to the amount of time that Theon experienced torture at the hands of Bolton yet, we still made the connection between the two shows.
However, there was something so raw and inhumane about the torture and the renaming of Theon that it brought back the flood of imagery from the scene in Roots where Kunta Kinte is whipped in an effort to make him accept his new name, Toby.
I write this post to say that the shows we watch leave an impression on us that we sometimes do not readily identify. The instant connection that many of us made between Theon’s renaming to Kunta Kinte’s is just a one example of the impression that TV and movies leave on us. Television and movies may just be fun and entertainment for many people but they do leave footprints behind. It is something to be cognizant of and I will explore it in more depth in some of my future posts.
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